Economic Version Control
Feb. 26th, 2009 | 12:05 pm
A lot of people have been referring to our burgeoning economic troubles as "Great Depression 2.0", but this is wrong.
If we're going to be accurate about this, we need some version control. Here's the tally so far:
v0.1.0 (alpha): 1780s Depression Pre-release version: caused total system freeze requiring hard restart of systems. Addressed with new kernel (ref. U.S. Constitution) and new transaction protocol (ref. U.S. Dollar)
v0.1.1 (alpha): The Panic of 1797 New features: Transatlantic collapse infects local economy.
v0.1.2 (alpha): Depression of 1807 New features: Protectionist policy prompts economic collapse in trade-based cities.
v0.2.0 (beta): Panic of 1819 Beta release taken to broader test market in limited release. New features: Widespread homegrown financial collapse prompted by malfeasance in the banking sector.
v0.2.1 (beta): Panic of 1837 New features: Paper currency failure. Bug Fixes: Second Bank of the United States dissolved.
v0.3.0 (beta): Panic of 1857 New features: Sector-based stock bubble collapse (railroads); Major insurance company failures (Ohia Life Insurance & Trust Company). Bug Fixes: Slavery process dependence eliminated via major kernel revision.
v1.0: The Great Depression (1871-1896) (Includes Service Pack 1 - Panic of 1873, and Service Pack 2 - Panic of 1893) A first attempt a a major re-branded release. Was retroactively re-branded/retconned to "The Long Depression" in 1933. New features: Starts in obscure foreign conflict, Broad-based stock bubble collapse, Global involvement, Major money shortage combined with productivity increases. Bug Fixes: Industrial revolution.
v1.1: Panic of 1907 New features: European hyperinflation crashes US markets; Cornering activity in copper market; Rapid bank runs; Federal Reserve Bank implemented as Service Pack 3 in 1913. Bug Fixes: [su jpmorgan - root]
v1.2: Post-WW1 Recession (1918-1921) New features: End of major wartime production causes sharp contraction; High unemployment following demobilization; Treaty reparation subroutines cause hyperinflationary crashes and kernel reboots on foreign language platforms.
v2.0: The Great Depression (1929-1945) More successful re-branding attempt. This major release included numerous new features (mostly undocumented, with lots of "easter eggs") and a brand new kernel (ref. New Deal) with secure superuser privileges. Often derisively referred to as bloatware (and indeed, is known for ravenously consuming system resources), nevertheless dominated the market and became the model for many following upgrades and competitors. Has a fanatically loyal user-base. Technical support is notoriously poor. New features: Hog-wild government spending, Agricultural desolation, Flashy new Cult of Personality GUI, 90%+ stock market crash, Complete banking collapse, Major real estate asset decline, Global Warfare Mode. Bug Fixes: Thermonuclear Reboot button, Game Theory implementation.
v2.0.1: 1950s Tightenings Released in 1953, and updated in 1957. New features: Loose monetary policy followed by arbitrary credit tightening. Bug Fixes: Massive manufacturing productivity increases, Cars with wings.
v2.1: Malaise (1973-1981) Updated in several concurrent non-numbered service packs (ref. Oil Shock, 1973 Market Crash, 1979 Energy Crisis). New branding not well accepted. New features: Stagflation; Double-digit inflation rates; Gas lines; Weak political leadership; Disco; Loss of military effectiveness. Bug Fixes: Morning in America, Deregulation, Tax Reform.
v2.1.1: Unnamed Release (1987-1991) New features: Single-day 22.6% stock decline; Savings & Loan Bailout.
v2.1.2: Tech Stock Crash (2000) New features: Companies with no assets, no revenue, gigantic market capitalizations, and lots of stock options; Planes flying into buildings (on purpose). Bug Fixes: Y2K Non-event.
This one is either 2.2 or 3.0:
v2.2 if this is simply a major service-pack update of the idiocy promulgated during the 1920s and 1930s, or,
v3.0 if this is an entirely new release with many new features gone to gold code, and possibly a new kernel.
So far, it's looking more like a "point X" release than a full new version. I don't see a lot of bug fixes or radical new features, just window-dressing and bloatware.
If we're going to be accurate about this, we need some version control. Here's the tally so far:
v0.1.0 (alpha): 1780s Depression Pre-release version: caused total system freeze requiring hard restart of systems. Addressed with new kernel (ref. U.S. Constitution) and new transaction protocol (ref. U.S. Dollar)
v0.1.1 (alpha): The Panic of 1797 New features: Transatlantic collapse infects local economy.
v0.1.2 (alpha): Depression of 1807 New features: Protectionist policy prompts economic collapse in trade-based cities.
v0.2.0 (beta): Panic of 1819 Beta release taken to broader test market in limited release. New features: Widespread homegrown financial collapse prompted by malfeasance in the banking sector.
v0.2.1 (beta): Panic of 1837 New features: Paper currency failure. Bug Fixes: Second Bank of the United States dissolved.
v0.3.0 (beta): Panic of 1857 New features: Sector-based stock bubble collapse (railroads); Major insurance company failures (Ohia Life Insurance & Trust Company). Bug Fixes: Slavery process dependence eliminated via major kernel revision.
v1.0: The Great Depression (1871-1896) (Includes Service Pack 1 - Panic of 1873, and Service Pack 2 - Panic of 1893) A first attempt a a major re-branded release. Was retroactively re-branded/retconned to "The Long Depression" in 1933. New features: Starts in obscure foreign conflict, Broad-based stock bubble collapse, Global involvement, Major money shortage combined with productivity increases. Bug Fixes: Industrial revolution.
v1.1: Panic of 1907 New features: European hyperinflation crashes US markets; Cornering activity in copper market; Rapid bank runs; Federal Reserve Bank implemented as Service Pack 3 in 1913. Bug Fixes: [su jpmorgan - root]
v1.2: Post-WW1 Recession (1918-1921) New features: End of major wartime production causes sharp contraction; High unemployment following demobilization; Treaty reparation subroutines cause hyperinflationary crashes and kernel reboots on foreign language platforms.
v2.0: The Great Depression (1929-1945) More successful re-branding attempt. This major release included numerous new features (mostly undocumented, with lots of "easter eggs") and a brand new kernel (ref. New Deal) with secure superuser privileges. Often derisively referred to as bloatware (and indeed, is known for ravenously consuming system resources), nevertheless dominated the market and became the model for many following upgrades and competitors. Has a fanatically loyal user-base. Technical support is notoriously poor. New features: Hog-wild government spending, Agricultural desolation, Flashy new Cult of Personality GUI, 90%+ stock market crash, Complete banking collapse, Major real estate asset decline, Global Warfare Mode. Bug Fixes: Thermonuclear Reboot button, Game Theory implementation.
v2.0.1: 1950s Tightenings Released in 1953, and updated in 1957. New features: Loose monetary policy followed by arbitrary credit tightening. Bug Fixes: Massive manufacturing productivity increases, Cars with wings.
v2.1: Malaise (1973-1981) Updated in several concurrent non-numbered service packs (ref. Oil Shock, 1973 Market Crash, 1979 Energy Crisis). New branding not well accepted. New features: Stagflation; Double-digit inflation rates; Gas lines; Weak political leadership; Disco; Loss of military effectiveness. Bug Fixes: Morning in America, Deregulation, Tax Reform.
v2.1.1: Unnamed Release (1987-1991) New features: Single-day 22.6% stock decline; Savings & Loan Bailout.
v2.1.2: Tech Stock Crash (2000) New features: Companies with no assets, no revenue, gigantic market capitalizations, and lots of stock options; Planes flying into buildings (on purpose). Bug Fixes: Y2K Non-event.
This one is either 2.2 or 3.0:
v2.2 if this is simply a major service-pack update of the idiocy promulgated during the 1920s and 1930s, or,
v3.0 if this is an entirely new release with many new features gone to gold code, and possibly a new kernel.
So far, it's looking more like a "point X" release than a full new version. I don't see a lot of bug fixes or radical new features, just window-dressing and bloatware.